Sorry I didn’t post much today (if any of you even care). I’ve just had a really shit day.. in fact a shit couple of years and I just can’t concentrate at all. Welcome back depression.. hope you got what you wanted. Time to be miserable.
Why? Why do I feel so gone? I am now so distant I just don’t belong. Now I’m ripped away from existence. I’ve become so transparent that I lost all substance. Sitting nowhere, breathing fake air. We don’t feel anymore, so we can’t care. Its about time I clear my throat. Let the hellish screams out till I begin to float. I’d run a million miles from here, just to get out of this cage and escape from fear. You know you’re screwed when you crave pain, you wanna bleed all throughout your brain. The blood in my veins is proof of life. I’m not sure if its there, so I reveal it with a knife. Not me any more, don’t know myself. Prisoner in my own skin, I no longer comprehend health. It’s all in the family they used to say. It’s all in the family so it must be ok. They hurt and rape her, they slash and tear her, they kill and torture, they love the terror. We are our own army so lets retaliate. Fight, destroy, show them real hate. Look at the fire in her eyes. That roaring beast never hides. She lost all she ever had. Blood seeps through her skin cause it hurts so bad. Her shattered heart pounds against her breast, scattered pieces cutting holes in her chest. Slowly she fades as she quickly she drowns. Covered in guilt, sequestered from sounds. Tilting on the edge, about to fall off. Her mind is so lacerated it has become leathery and soft.
“…occasionally I wished I could walk through a picture window and have the sharp, broken shards slash me to ribbons so I would finally look like I felt”—Elizabeth Wurtzel (Christina Ricci), Prozac Nation
They didn’t know that she was planning something. Most people thought she was perfectly fine. She was good at pretending…but some people knew she wasn’t okay but they didnt realize how bad it was. She would party every weekend. She was border line alcoholic rarely going 48 hours without being 100% sober. She tried finding comfort in anything even if that meant fucking some guy she just met one night while she had been drinking. Everyday was going by as a blur. They didn’t know that she cried herself to sleep every night. They didnt know that she had practiced cutting herself so many times. They didnt know that she had written and rewritten letters to all the people she cared about most telling them she loved them and apologising. She even wrote one to the person who was most important to her, who wouldn’t understand what had happened because she was to young. She wanted her to know it wasn’t her fault and she loved her dearly. They just didnt know. They found her surrounded… in her own blood. They finally knew… they finally realised that she really wasn’t okay and the rumours, and the fake friends, and the guys who liked her for all the wrong reasons, and the family, and the lies, and the unperfect body that she saw that everyone else thought was close to perfect, had gotten to her. She finally had the courage to press down hard enough… and they finally knew that she planned this.
The user-driven online encyclopedia is one of the Internet’s most visited sites, and at midnight Eastern Standard Time it began a 24-hour “blackout” in protest against proposed anti-piracy legislation that many leading websites — including Reddit, Google, Facebook, Amazon and others — contend will make it challenging if not impossible for them to operate.
When you say ‘Nirvana’, the general public responds with cries of ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ [or in some miserable cases, ‘Smells Like TEAM Spirit’, which is depressing. If you start to type in ‘Smells Like T’ on Youtube, the suggestions all say ‘Smells Like Team Spirit’ and such. Which is painfully inaccurate! There’s nothing ‘team spirit’ oriented about the song whatsoever!], and occasional responses of ‘Heart-Shaped Box’. I feel obligated to point out that just because either of those two songs is your favourite song in the whole wide world and you love it to death and you’d marry it and make love to it and yadda yadda yadda, I don’t care. Because that doesn’t make you a Nirvana fan. That makes you a mainstream 90’s alternative grunge rock fan. [Whoa, ain’t that a title, eh?] But not a Nirvana fan!
My motto is, if you really love a band, you gotta read up on ‘em and know your music. See, when someone tells me they’re a Nirvana fan, I’ll generally ask, ‘What’s your favourite song?’ If I get a response of ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’, I’ll go on to ask, ‘And your favourite album?’ I likely won’t get an answer. However, if someone says some other far less popular and well-known song such as perhaps ‘Milk It’, ‘Dive’, ‘Scentless Apprentice’, or ‘Mexican Seafood’ [Bonus points for ‘Mexican Seafood’ or ‘Spank Thru’; those were some of the first songs Kurt ever put out there.] then we’re really talking.
I’m just sick of wannabes, I guess. They go through all the trouble of trying to get you to like them by liking everything you like, and in the end they only end up pissing you off. Music wannabes are the worst; the kids that talk to you because you know your music and they want to prove to you that they do too, even if they don’t, that is.
So yeah. If you don’t have the ‘Bleach’ album, the first one really that Nirvana ever honestly marketed, then you’re not a solid fan. I guess that comes across as mean and bitchy, but honestly, if you’re just saying you’re a fan for the attention, eventually a real fan is going to catch you and you’re going to trip on your words. So please, if you’re not a huge fan, don’t act as though you are. And this doesn’t just go for Nirvana. This is for any musical artist out there. Honestly.